Letting go of good memories

My first job was a seamless progression after graduating from my studies, in addition to national accolades. Had two options offered to me, go into the advertising industry in one of the most recognised agencies in the world, or, go into academics. I chose the latter, after the probation period ended.

I would say that this work environment felt like family, close-knit, with pleasant and constructive interactions. An overall positive experience.

But why did I have to let go of this, if they bring good memories?

First, let me remember everyone there, who left a deep impression on me:

1. Co-founder and mentor: She was a career woman, sharp but with a warm personality, with a teaching mindset. Started out in communication design, she later branched out to organic foods with most of the supplies imported from Taiwan. As I was her mentee on the job, she became even closer to my family after Dad passed away, being unmarried.

Mother even invited her to our holiday/farm home at the hills, so she drove there in her Mercedes and asked me to accompany her (more than 1 hour’s drive). Learnt a lot from her. It was also her that persuaded me to take up late father’s business (from my mother’s urging). She passed away at the age of 49, from cancer (her home was in a golf course, extremely toxic to health). I couldn’t attend her funeral due to distance, so it feels like she is still around.

2. Younger sister of Co-founder and mentor (neutral impression): She was the first person I talked to, during the college pre-admission. I asked for the overall picture of the Majors.

Unlike her elder sister, she was not well-liked by her subordinates and even students, due to an unpleasant personality (one colleague, a gentle and pretty girl who did her best, often gets bullied by her and she would come by my desk for some minutes and tell me about it with tears rolling down her cheeks)… Never married, she died from a tumour a few years after her elder sister’s funeral, even after surgery and extensive treatments overseas (they lived in the same house).

3. Head of Department: A big brother and big sister in one. Charming and supportive in work, yet is also like a friend. He and another female colleague were the ones who gave me a farewell dinner, then drove and accompanied me to my “escapade” to the other side of the world. My luggages were kept in his condo 2 weeks prior. So that, I could tell mother that I was going out for dinner with friends, which I did. Only that, I ended up having dinner on the other side of the world, it was evening when I landed in the airport (but of course, I left a note with family so that they won’t do an Interpol search for me).

He also relocated internationally a few years after, and even flew back from Hong Kong with his partner to see us after daughter and I came back, with an angpow and a tiny but meaningful gift for her.

4. Mentor and colleague (guest lecturer): A Cantonese, soft-spoken, and bespectacled man–10 years older than me but looks younger than his age, 3^rd child and youngest in the family, he said that I am the “younger sister he never had”.

It seems that I left such an impression on him that the first article he wrote in a national Chinese newspaper column, was about me. When I found out the same day because a colleague told me and read out to me (since I can’t read Chinese), I got a copy of it and asked for his signature, which he signed in reluctance (or embarassment?). He said it was never meant to be found out by me! He nicknamed me “慢停”, basically the article was saying that I had all the confidence and qualifications for working and shining in an international advertising agency, so why was I hiding myself away in academics, with excuses he found unreasonable. He was once an award-winning Art Director in an international advertising agency for many years.

He once called my mobile before our class was starting (I was his assistant in tutoring), just to tell me that he cried, because he won 2^nd place in a novel writing competition in Taiwan and they will publish his book (it was a torture working on it)!

Few years later, after I told him that I will relocate, he asked, “Do you really have to go that far?” “Yes,” I said without hesitation.

Starting in his early forties, he went after his dreams to become a full-time artist in oil painting, and also ventured into other mediums for his miniature paintings. He held quite a number of exhibitions, I even went to a few (FB notifications). Bumped into him twice, felt like strangers, we were no longer in contact till today.

5. Mentor and colleague (guest lecturer): An eccentric “I don’t give a damn” mentor. An award-winning graphic designer well-known internationally, with an agency founded with two other bro partners. He has a happy family of four, along with a German Shepherd. So, whenever he doesn’t fling a whiteboard marker towards the inattentive student, he would say that “my dog can do this better” when critiquing students’ work. So, students either love or hate him. When I was still studying, I was one of his favourite students.

When his Bulgarian associate, an award-winning poster designer residing in New York, visited Malaysia, he invited me to Singapore to accompany her. She was going to give a talk to university students. I took the opportunity to interview her for the article “What comes from the heart, goes to the heart” for assignment submission to the London School of Journalism.

Years later (almost a decade), fate would have it that I would bump into him in IKEA two days after arrival. He asked me, “MW! So what are you doing now?” “Nothing.” “Wow, that is very hard to do.” He said that because, even though a Christian, he is also familiar with the Tao, and likes Bruce Lee’s philosophy of “be like water”. Later on, I gave him 1 kg of specially roasted coffee beans which I brought back. Two weeks later, I started working in his branding agency.

He entrusted his work Macbook Air to me for work purposes, while he got a newer version. Eventually, even though I left the agency, I exchanged part of my freelance cash payment with his Macbook Air. Am still using it.

6. Colleague and “sister”: A modern well-travelled woman, 8 years older than me, MA in Fine Arts, loves doing watercolour paintings. She is the stereotypical middle child. During the years as colleagues, we had a lot of fun and philosophical conversations about life and everything else, and really felt like a sisterly bond. She even sent me Chinese New Year cards with handwritten messages almost every year to my office in Peru.

She was the one who gave me the jade bangle in 2016, as a safety token. But, ever since she was married, she kept complaining about her husband whenever I had an outing with her. It was uncomfortable for me, and her words felt disrespectful to the husband. I always thought that matters and conflicts between husband and wife should be solved together and not complained to others (children, friends or family), or only with a therapist/marriage counselling. Naturally, we would no longer feel the need to contact or see each other again.

7. Colleague and “sister”: A modern, sporty woman who has mostly silver hair since her 30’s due to a genetic anomaly. She is as cool as she looks, with an attractive sultry voice. Was lecturing in a university in China for some years, now lecturing in university in another South East Asian country, she was the female colleague who also sent me off to my “escapade” years ago.

She was the one concerned about the citizenship of daughter and sent me some updates/news about its policy development in the country, prior to our successful application.

Now, to answer the question, why do I have to let go of even good memories?

Just like the jagged stones of hurtful memories, the beautiful gems of good memories will still weigh us down. All of this prevent us from moving forward, light and free.